I am sorry I wasn't able to give you the American Dream type of family. You won't be living in a white picket fenced house with your father mowing the lawn, me cooking dinner, you teaching the dog how to perform tricks, and your sister sleeping peacefully in her crib. I am sorry that I'm not certain of type of father you are going to have, I have no idea how often you will see him, and I don't know what relationship you will have with him.
I am certain though, you will be every bit as capable and happy as if you had the best mom and dad in the world. Why? Because you have me, grandma, and grandpa. I am sorry that I don't have it all together right now. I don't have my career or our own house...YET. For the first couple of years mommy is going to depend a lot on the help of your grandparents and I am in no way, shape, or form sorry about that. Why? Because they are amazing people and I wouldn't trust anyone else besides them to help raise you.
I apologize that I will be at work and school sometimes but I am not sorry that I will have an education and a great job for the two of us. I am not sorry that you will have an educated, independent, driven mother who is going to mold you into the man you will be. I will soon build us our own home where we can grow together. A place I can teach you how to cook and you can teach me how to finger paint. A place we can hang all your pictures and tell scary stories. A place we can invite your friends and cousins for sleep-overs and football games. A place that is ours.
I am far from sorry that you will learn things for the greatest man in my eyes. You will learn how to show respect, be courageous, have a great sense of humor, fish, fix a flat, change oil, plant a seed, mow a lawn, cut weeds, and most importantly love from the greatest man in our lives, your grandpa. I am not sorry that you will probably never go without sugar (literally and figuratively speaking) from your grandma. I will apologize in advance if she kisses you too much, holds you too much, buys you too much, but remember it will never be possible for her to love you too much.
I'm sorry that I am going to be your mom and not your best friend. I'm not sorry that I am a Gemini and will be a fun mom who is a true kid at heart. I am not sorry that I still play tag, doctor, house, and with toys with your little cousins being 33 weeks pregnant. I am sorry that I may embarrass you when I tell others of your first time using the potty. I am sorry that I may sometimes lose my patience and raise my voice. Please know baby, I will be your mother before anything else but that does not mean I won't be the first person you can trust, confide in, and have fun with!
I am sorry that I don't have the answers to everything. I'm sorry I don't know what the clouds feel like, why the earth is round but looks flat, why the sky is blue, or why some people are ruthless. I do know something very important though, there is a purpose for life. My purpose in life is to express sacrificial love. I was put on this earth for you my baby. I am sorry I didn't dream of you before and I am sorry I didn't plan you. I am not sorry that you came into my life. You have prepared me for real life. Life after the selfish, crazy, heartbroken, lost path. You have led me to true happiness.
I am sorry for my impatience. I cannot wait until I go into labor. Why? Sacrificial love. I want to feel each and every contraction so I can see my little boy. I am brave because of the strength you have given me. I want to endure every second of that horrible pain because at the end of it all, I get to see you with my eyes. I get to hold you with my arms. I get to feed you with my breasts. I get to kiss you with my lips. I get you and I am not sorry for it.
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